I can butter toast one-handed. I embrace The Challenge (though, in front of other people, we call her Norah). It’s always in the middle of the night when she is snuggled up on my chest that I want to enjoy the quiet and calm for as long as it stays quiet and calm, but it’s the middle of the night and my unconscious is more conscious of my needs than I will consciously admit. Mommyhood makes you feel exhausted and awesome. It makes you sure that Superman is a pansy. He didn’t grow anything inside of him, push anything out of... there. He didn’t make milk. He didn’t do crazy, mad superhero work on no sleep. And then clean the house. And then make dinner. His weakness is a lifeless rock. Mine is a life-full blob. It wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her and now it does the wiggling and jiggling all over the house, all over the cat, with a pea-and-squash-crusty face and cheesy toes. It thinks I’m dada and kitty is dada and rice cereal is dada and poopy diaper is dada. It’s cute. And smelly. And perfect. I’ll be anything she wants… though, dada says I can’t be dada. I can play with those soft, squishy fingers for the rest of my life. I can hold those cheeks to help her sleep all night every night. I’m happy to cringe at what came out from what I put in. Even when dada (kitty) pulls the sloshy diaper off the counter, making me wish I could cover the floors in dadas (diapers). I’ll take a tiny finger to the upper sinuses anytime (well…). You learn to do everything with speed—eating, sleeping, doing your, ahem, business (both the icky kind and the kind that makes you hope you didn’t make another Challenge… yet).
I’ve heard that parents often lie about how happy they are with their lives while being parents because they’d feel guilty saying how they really feel (even if it’s not too bad). It’s just different. Not worse. Better, for sure, but you do lose some things. But you gain everything. Love and family is what everyone wants. And honestly, when you have it it’s easy to forget that you wanted it—mostly because you don’t have much time to think about anything besides homemade baby food, wondering if your kid is developmentally on schedule, hoping you get some time with dada (the real one) soon, or craving to feel cute again. Some days you need a break from them, and that is okay. Take it. Find a way to. Often. Even if you know someone else won’t “do it right”. Most kids need a little “wrong” anyway, right? Stay away from guilt. Do you best, try your hardest, love them all the way, and KEEP FLIRTING WITH YOUR HONEY! You only won’t be you anymore if you’re not you anymore. True story.
[This was typed solely with my right hand.]
[Rockstar.]
I’ve heard that parents often lie about how happy they are with their lives while being parents because they’d feel guilty saying how they really feel (even if it’s not too bad). It’s just different. Not worse. Better, for sure, but you do lose some things. But you gain everything. Love and family is what everyone wants. And honestly, when you have it it’s easy to forget that you wanted it—mostly because you don’t have much time to think about anything besides homemade baby food, wondering if your kid is developmentally on schedule, hoping you get some time with dada (the real one) soon, or craving to feel cute again. Some days you need a break from them, and that is okay. Take it. Find a way to. Often. Even if you know someone else won’t “do it right”. Most kids need a little “wrong” anyway, right? Stay away from guilt. Do you best, try your hardest, love them all the way, and KEEP FLIRTING WITH YOUR HONEY! You only won’t be you anymore if you’re not you anymore. True story.
[This was typed solely with my right hand.]
[Rockstar.]
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